I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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