I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
