Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
