her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
