you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize