Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
