Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
