Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
