A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hippo gnu deer
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
this is an emotional support booty call
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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