He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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