I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
