I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
