is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
