Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
