Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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