so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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