Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
