oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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