I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
