Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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