i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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