So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
