so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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