BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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