I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
