WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
