He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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