It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
