Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
