I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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