Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize