In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
