got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
