My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
