I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
