hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
