I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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