you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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