Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
