I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
