ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
