my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
