The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
