there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
