Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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