Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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