She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
