I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
