ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
