ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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