Where is the hickey?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
