I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
