yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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