Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
