it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
