Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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