ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
