dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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