Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He felt like a one man threesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
