Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
