You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
we should paint friendship bongs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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