I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
