i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
where does the pee come out of this thing
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
