Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
