how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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