im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
