Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
