Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
whose parrot is this?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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