woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
