dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
