That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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