party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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