Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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