after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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