i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
