We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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