sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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