Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
