Your tits are I can't wait for
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MIDGETS
????
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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